Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Considering Engagement

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Every couple should ask these before considering engagement to be married. Take some time out to really ponder them properly…

Questions about compatibility

Is there a spark between you:

  • Physically?
  • Intellectually?
  • Emotionally?
  • Spiritually?
  • In terms of having fun together?

What are the things you have in common?

Are you best friends?

Do you disagree on any of these key issues:

  • What you want to do with your lives.
  • Where you want to live.
  • Spiritual values.
  • Having kids (when and how many).
  • Financial approach to life.
  • Expected roles of what the man should do and what the woman should do.
  • The role of each other’s families in the marriage.

Questions that relate to God (these assume you’re a Christian)

  • Do you believe God is calling you to this relationship? If so, what makes you sure?
  • Is God at the centre at your relationship? If so, what are the choices you have made that reflect that decision?
  • If you are involved in a church, in what ways can your marriage benefit the church?
  • If you’re a Christian, have you pursued sexual abstinence until marriage? If you haven’t, are you willing to repent and wait? If you aspire to abstinence but feel overwhelmed by sexual attraction, are you willing to get help from mature Christians?

Questions that relate to the involvement of others

  • What do your closest friends and family feel about you being together?
  • Who are the wise spiritual people who you have sought perspective and
    accountability from?
  • In what ways will marriage be good for you into the future?
  • In what ways will marriage to this person help you fulfil your life’s purpose?
  • Do you understand that marriage means putting each other before anyone else, especially family members that have a big sway on our lives? Are you willing to do that?
  • Are you aware of what each other’s families are like – and are you willing to put up with it for life?
  • Do you build your relationship towards community or towards isolation?

Questions about problem issues in our lives

  • What is your relationship history? Are there any patterns of relating in the past that have been negative?
  • Do either of you have any emotional baggage, or residue soul-ties, from previous relationships?
  • What is the relational history of your parents? And, if there are negatives, what have you done to be set free of the pattern of relating they have modeled to you?

Questions about really knowing each other

  • Are there any areas in your partner’s life that you are hoping will change once you get married?
  • Are you aware of each other’s weaknesses, temptations, and bad habits? If so, what are they? And are you willing to live with them even if they do not change?
  • Do you ever have conflict? How do you typically act toward each other in times of conflict? And how do you usually resolve conflict?
  • Are there any secrets you are keeping from each other?
  • Do you regularly share your innermost thoughts with each other?

Questions about the strength of your commitment

  • Do either of you feel pressurized in any way into getting married?
  • What tests/trials has your relationship been through?
  • Are you ready to say: “I commit my life to you, through thick and thin, I will do everything I can to be a blessing to you in every way for the rest of our lives.”
  • If supporting factors (like health, common friends, hobbies, financial security, physical attractiveness of the other person, the romantic intensity between you) left, would you still be willing to stay married? In other words, are there any conditions to keeping your marriage commitment to each other? What are they?
  • Is your relationship based on ‘being in love’ or on ‘choosing to love’? What is the difference between these two kinds of love, and which is a marriage to be built on?
  • Complete the sentence, ‘Divorce is an acceptable option if …’
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